Up until last weekend, I always thought I lived in a really nice neighborhood. My apartment complex is mostly surrounded by small middle-class houses, whose owners plant flowers in their front yards and who mow the lawn every Saturday morning. Okay, there is also a bagel factory, but otherwise, everything is neat and nice.
Last weekend, there was a BBQ at my apartment complex. Usually, I don't like to go to these picnics, because there is just too much gossip going on and I don't like getting involved in stuff like that. But this time, I went.
BIG MISTAKE! Humongous mistake!
Within only 30 minutes, I was asked the following questions (I. KID. YOU. NOT.):
Do you remember when the Oldsmobile was burning in the parking lot and then the motorcycle caught fire, too?
- Hmm, I vaguely remember something burning in the parking lot....
Do you remember last summer when the silo of the bagel factory exploded and there was flour everywhere and it caught fire and we thought everything was gonna burn down?
- No, I was in Germany last summer.
Have you seen the condom sniffing dog they brought in after the girl next door had been raped?
- Someone was raped next door?????
But the question that really threw me over the edge was this one:
Say, Nici, have you noticed any changes in the gang tags on your building, lately?
- GANG TAGS???
Apparently, there have been gang tags on my building (my back door to be specific!). I thought it was just graffiti and it always disappeared within a day, because maintenance always came over right away to take a picture and to clean it up or paint it over. But appartently the signs were gang tags and just recently they changed so that the local police was notified.
Well, it seems like my building marks the border between two gang areas. That also explains why the police have been driving up and down the street lately.
Yesterday, they exchanged the locks on all the buildings in my apartment complex - even though I am not quite sure how that is going to protect me if there is a drive-by shooting. Okay, maybe I am exaggerating now. Tthese gangs are probably just some highschool gangs or something. But I think it is time to move, anyway.
And this is the reason, why I don't go to these BBQs. Maybe it is just me, but I sleep much better at night, if I don't know about condom sniffing dogs and gang tags on my back door.
7 Kommentare:
Move to the East Side! It's much nicer here!
Hey E.,
wow, thanks your first comment!
Well, I'm not quite sure if it is nicer on the East Side. Don't you guys have ghettos there?
But I'll think about moving. Until then I will trust that my fighting fish will protect me again all evil gang activities. :o)
We don't have ghettos here! You're thinking of Warsaw.
And it's cheaper to live over here!
Warsaw? Very BAD joke!
Yes, I wonder why it is so much cheaper on the East Side.
Hmmm? The 45 minute bus commute to campus? Higher crime rates? Mercury in the drinking water?
I really can't think of any reasons not to move to the East side.
Just kidding ;)
Liebes Fräulein Schmörgåsbord!
Es ist mir vor kurzem aufgefallen, dass ein paar Tippfehler in Ihr Posting eingeschlichen haben, nämlich,
1. The commute is 20=30 minutes (usually 23-25 depending on traffic).
2. We don't have mercury in our water! There was a minor problem with well #3 with manganese, but that has not only been taken care of but actually does not even affect my neighborhood at all.
3a. Higher crime rates? We don't have gang tags on our doors, ahem!
3b. We never had burning cars in our parking lot.
3c. We never had a bagel factory explode and almost burn our house down.
3d. There isn't even a bagel factory in the area, only an ice-cream factory, and with this heat, I wouldn't mind if it exploded!
3e. No one was raped in our house.
Ich hoffe, Ihre Tippfehler können korrigiert werden.
Hochachtungsvoll,
Herr Dr. Prof. jabzwnein
Sehr geehrter Herr Prof. Dr. Jabzwnein,
hiermit möchte ich mich höflichst für die Tippfehler in meinem vorherigen Beitrag entschuldigen. Ich fühle mich mittlerweile wie eine der Hauptrollen in der West Side Story. Ich hoffe, Sie verstehen Spaß, denn hiermit möchte ich aber doch ein paar Kleinigkeiten klarstellen:
1. The commute might in fact only be 20-30 minutes, unless, of course, there is a one mile-long construction side on East Wash.
2. Okay, so you had manganese, not mercury, in your water. I am kinda strange that way, but somehow I really prefer my water chemical-free. I just can´t help myself.
3. I believe that you never had a bagel factory explode and ALMOST burn down your house. But in contrast to my house on the West Side, your house on the East Side ACTUALLY burned down. At least that´s what you told me when I asked you why there was a 10% incline between your kitchen and living room.
4. And don't tell me there is no criminal activity in your area. In fact, I have photographic evidence of a certain grad student holding his laptop almost out of the window in order to steal the neighbor`s wireless internet access.
However, the ice-cream factory next door is a big plus. Do they have coffee ice-cream with chocolate chips? Maybe I should move to the East Side after all... Do you still want me to move into your apartment? ;)
Hochachtungsvoll,
Fräulein Schmörgasbord
Entschuldigung, scusi, pardone, excuse the interruption in this highly interesting and informative conversation. I think the ice cream factory clinched it. What better reason to move somewhere, than to be near lots and lots of ice cream?
Of course there are no guaranties about anything else, noisy neighbours, explosions, intruders...
theft of wireless internet access.
Tsk,tsk.
Have a good weekend. :)
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